He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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