Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
