This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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