hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
