Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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