He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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