I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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