I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
