so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
