got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
