obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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