I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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