her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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