I can text with my tongue
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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