So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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