my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
