he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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