is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
