I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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