I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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