Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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