remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
