My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
