I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
