Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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