I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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