I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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