Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was born a porn star she said
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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