I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize