oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
