That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love accidental penises.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
