We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
