Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
