i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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