you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
