I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
