God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dignity is for republicans.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Come share oat with me in your robe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
