i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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