The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
