Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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