You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
