What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
