I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
