It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize