I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
