I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My life is pants optional.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
