i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize