If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
