Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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