even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
