I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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