First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she pinky promised me she was 18
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
