just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
