i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
