whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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