I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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