Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
