so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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