my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
