dude i'm inner monologue high
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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