Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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