Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize