Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
