Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
