Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
