U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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