If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
