i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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